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Jul. 17th, 2013

Of Puppets and Their Dreamers snippet

She finally awoke. The building was...gaudy, in her opinion, with crimson colored walls and gold panels on every available space. She sat with a loud groan, fingertips gently massaging her aching head. “Where...what the hell?” she muttered, looking around at the group sleeping around her. There were six of them total, four girls and two boys. “I'm nuts, I know...but this one's a little far fetched, even for me.”
“Tell me about it. So many Dreamers all together. It's almost a heart warming sight.”
Frankee nearly screamed, and turned to face the man, her eyes quickly taking in everything about him, including the door on his bare chest. He smiled coolly and nodded towards a girl with long straight burgundy hair. “She's my Dreamer.” he grinned at the look of utter confusion on Frankee's face. “My name,” he began “is-
“Nope. I'm done. This shit's crazy, and I'll have you know I was JUST declared mentally competent. I'm gonna wake up, go to work. That's it. That's all that's gonna happen.” Frankee glared, trying to convey a sense of confidence she had never possessed. Her eyes narrowed when a large smile broke out on the man's face, and then widened when he seemed to pull a wine glass out of thin air.
“You can only exit through Dreaming's Door.” he sipped the wine that had appeared suddenly in a delicate manner, his blue eyes giving her a quick once over. “Anyways, as I was saying, my name,” he held up a finger as Frankee made to speak again, “is Cherub. I serve Key, the King of the Nevermore. Your Dream, your child” Frankee tilted her head, puzzled.
“You are the...what now? And what's this about this 'Key' guy? I don't know anyone by that name, and I'm, like, nine hundred percent sure I don't have a kid. So, you got the wrong chick, mister...Cherub.” Cherub only looked amused, shaking his head. Alright, Frankee thought, that pisses me off. “Alright, Cherub. You think I could have a KID without knowing about it. Do you have any idea about what childbirth is like?!?” This really got Cherub going. He howled with laughter and slapped his thigh.
“D-do I,” a loud giggle, “K-kno..w whatt childbirth i-is like?!?” he laughed harder. “My darling, you only know of the physical process of birth. There are may, many forms, and that is the least common of them. This child was born of your dreams. This child has more of you than any babe will ever have, and-”
“That's enough, Cherub.” Cherub gaped, and floundered momentarily.
“I...” he cleared his throat and stood straight, a posture he didn't have before “Yes, my Lord.” A tall, slender...man, walked (pompously, Frankee thought) into the room, surveying the scene with an easy confidence that she didn't like. “My Dreamer,” he extended his arms in warm greeting, “Finally we meet. I am Key, your Dream. And you, Franchescia Harold, are my Dreamer.”
“It's FRANKEE.” she roared, tired of the whole charade that was playing out before her. “Listen, I don't know what's going on her, but I'm done with this whole thing. I'm going to wake up now, and I'll be back in my shitty bed, in my shitty New York apartment, with a shitty job that I hate, with all the other shitty NORMAL people. This has gone way to far.” Key frowned, narrowing his eyes. Cherub was at his side immediately, muttering things like “I told you she'd be no help.” and “we need you. You don't need your key.” Frankee fumed for a moment, and finally allowed her curiosity to get the better of her.
“Your key? What the hell's that? Metaphor?” Their faces made it look like she had just given birth to a very large, very slimy, fish. “Don't look at me like that!” she muttered, feeling her face go red. Stupid Frankee, she thought, you just had to go and make yourself the center of attention, didn't you? She was so consumed in this thought that she didn't notice Key walking quietly towards her.
“My darling...Frankee.” he seemed to taste the name “Only you, as my Dreamer, can set me free.” he pointed to a fist-sized, very ornate door directly in the center of his chest that she hadn't noticed before. “I need to find my key to unlock my heart, and only you know where it is.”
"I don't even know what you're talking about, so how could I know where your key is?" The man, Key, smiled gently. Frankee thought he looked incredibly fake when he did. Like it was forced and not real in the slightest, and that scared her. So, what if they were dreams? Could they be dangerous? Would he hurt her? She tensed as he took another step closer, and she was surprised to see a sad, hopeless look in his eye. "I-I...er..." She sighed weakly, "alright. I'll help. But, I can't promise you that I'll actually HELP." Key broke out in another smile, this one real and very warm. Before she could protest, or even react, Frankee was pulled into a tight hug. He's so warm...she thought, burying her face into the crook of his neck. He smelled like honeysuckle and spring grass, so much like her happy memories of childhood. His fingers reached up to stroke the side of her neck, and after a few moments, they both pulled away. Frankee felt her face flush and looked away, noticing that the others were stirring.

May. 23rd, 2013

Untitled

I look into the mirror

I look into my soul

I try to find something to hold on to,

'Cuz I feel I've lost control

I don't see any beauty,

I don't see anything worthwhile

All I see is a monster,

a stupid, ugly child

I tear myself apart inside

Punish myself for supposed crimes

I lie each day, when asked if I'm doing well

As long as I wear long sleeves, I guess I can hide,

but when I see my arms, when I see my wrists
I feel disgusting

I feel absolutely worthless

And I don't think I can make it,

I hunger for this pain

Beautiful Agony that lets me become human again

Being told I'm worthless

Is nothing new to me

And being asked “what's wrong with you?”

“Are you stupid?””Are you dumb?”

I want to yell, I want to scream

Because you've never, ever understood me

Why would you do that, it's not right, it's not okay

I look down to my friend, the floor,

I do this everyday

I'm sorry for being stupid,

I'm sorry that I'm fat,

I'm sorry I'm not perfect,

Everyone else seems to be

I used to wonder why I wasn't liked,

but the games became so old

I will not give it any thought

I couldn't tell you when he hit me

I couldn't tell you I was scared

I could never tell you what he did,

'cuz, Mommy, you weren't there

Do you know what he did to me?

Do you know what he took?

I do

Laying on the filthy floor,

The dirty seeping in,

Mommy, he molested me

And you didn't even know,

And the next one after that?

He sure put me in my place,

told me things I believe today,

“You don't deserve to live, you stupid, ugly Thing.

Why should you?

Everything you do is wrong

Everything you do is worthless”

Mommy, do you know what it's like

to look into the mirror and not see a human staring back?

I guess it's just me then...

I cry at night,

'cuz every night I see

his face

looking down at me

It's all becoming too much

Those kids at school,

they all laugh and make fun

because I'm not worthy of their presence

I take what they give

I deserve it

don't I?

They hit me too, Mommy

they throw me to the ground

they hit and kick

But I won't make a sound

I want to get up,

the gravel isn't so pleasant to lay on,

but if I do,

it's another invitation, to go another round

And I couldn't take that

I just won't survive

Then he came along,

that dirty piece of trash you loved so much

He snaked his way into my mind

He saw the things I tried to hide

He used me

I was His little doll,

if He was angry,

I was His rook

something He could sacrifice

something easily let go

He's the one who taught me

how to hurt myself

how to hide those cuts

how to hide my shame

If I just smile

no one will ever know the difference

I suppose it's all fine

If I were loved too much

But if I were to act happy,

who in the world would care?

May. 15th, 2013

Lupine Smile

I met a man,

One day as I traveled,

his eyes were intense,

his breath was hot,

and I was moved

And compelled to speak to him my innermost thoughts

And as tears ran down,

I saw this change

A change in him,

A change in me,

and as that change came over us,

A tremor, a quake,

a full blown attack

and, while I sunk slowly,

painfully slow,

he just smiled,

led me back home,

To my little house all alone on its cliff

I never let my mind wander,

for I know if it did,

I would just wind up all alone

like I always am

Hand in hand

Hip by hip

we walked in the last embers of a moaning and convulsing sunset

He touched my shoulder,

I held his hand

and alone in my garden we stood at last

My dear, my lovely, my sweet.”

He whispered

and with hungry lips and hungry eyes

we tugged upon the gate

And when that creaking ribcage opened,

we stood at a knoll,

so silent, so sacred, so utterly alone,

I felt a gentle tug at my hair,

but it was only my hands,

sneaking away from my sides,

to tangle and tease it,

and with a growing smile

Just like a wolf!”

I cried

He grabbed my hand,

led my frozen body to the cliffs edge,

kissed me again,

then

his fingers let go,

and I fell,

and the last thing

I'll see,

Is my lovely Wolf's

Lupine smile

Shining down on me

Apr. 25th, 2013

In Memorandum Of Innocence Lost

I lay, cold on the floor,

Lips bleeding, lips numb

You've just finished with me,

And you take your leave

Like I was a doll,

Like I was a pet with no common sense,

You even ruffle my hair and tell me to be a good girl

My wings are broken,

My heart is gone,

And for such a long, long time,

I knew that I would someday repay you for taking my innocence

I want to hold you down,

Smack your face,

Kill and rape the way you raped me

My hands will be my gun,

My words, the bullets

My heart will not mourn,

My body will not break,

My eyes will be open,

To watch you take that last breath,


And when you're there,

Lying on the floor,

Numb, cold, ashamed,

I will break you,

Make you want to die,

The way I wanted to,

My hideous prince,

you've no idea as to what I've got in store for you,

These thoughts have been pushed back so many years,

But now they're blood,

Bursting from an artery,

You called me an angel back then,

If only you knew,

I will be an angel,

But not of the kind you'd expect

My soul will be free, finally,

And I will finally rest,

Until then,

Ugly prince,

Don't forget your princess

The Princess of Disdain

There is a land,

So grey and shaded and dull,

And the people are but whispers

And the water runs thick with cloud

It is here that I rule,

I, the princess of Disdain,

Am well loved by my subjects

And pampered to extremes

I am sorrow embodied

I am feeling untouched

Boring, yet so powerful in my blank way,

I alone am the might of this place

My crown is of thorns,

Dull but still like small knives upon my brow

And my dresses are all Spider Silk and boring grey gilt

All gold in the land has been faded

And glimmers no more

My people are a silent crowd

My father still, too

I make my speeches in a haze

And wave to the crowds through windows

They never cheer,

No

They never praise my name

But I couldn't ask for that

For I am the princess of Disdain

Clocks tick slow,

Seemingly toying with the minds perception

And the days pass to nightmares,

Silence reigns alongside me in this realm

And in him I find solace

There are no children,

Only the old and the sick

In rickety rocking chairs they sit

And speak of the days

They lived in Happiness,

Peace, and Contentment

But they are my subjects

And serve me well they do,

For I am the princess of Disdain,

And for that,

I will kill,

And deceive and lie

My home

Shadows, grey, clouds

Will all meet you one day,

For someday you will venture here,

And you will join Disdain

Apr. 24th, 2013

Medius of Lilith

Bats are your servants,
The mice and rats, your ladies in waiting
Satan, Lucifer, Beelzebub, King, Foe
He is yours, the attentive prince,
Your castle is built upon corpses,
Your garden the ruins of civilization,
Your silk dresses and delicate jewels of bone, were weaved by the bone thin fingers of the furies,
Who wail and scream and cry and beg
"What we know of the future,"
They sob
"Is the same we know of the past!"
Deftly, you turn a cold shoulder,
One practiced so carefully in your pretty little mirror
And with a waggle of those clawed fingers that men have sinned for,
Lived and died for
That Lucifer claimed as his own
I rest my weary head on those fingers,
Those hands, that have killed, sinned
And I find solace in her frigid embrace
And I sleep,
Oh lord,
Do I sleep, in comfort and perfect peace

Medius of Adam

Silence eats away your flesh,
And the snake of rancor eats your heart
Hatred is in human nature, is it not?
So, my darling Father, do you hate god?
A ghost, a ghost,
You are only a ghost,
All cartilage and disease
You killed us, you dammed us all
And yet you walk before us, head held proudly,
And arrogantly,
High
You, God-molded man,
Are the fore bearer of my guilt,
And my pain,
Molded into that sterile flesh,
Like a door, like a wall,
Dirty and splattered with the blood of lambs
I give into you, father,
And rest,
Evermore

Apr. 20th, 2013

Medius of Eve

Yellow apples
Drip like dirty gold
From the tree of knowledge
Snakes, lizards, dragons
All wait with baited breath
For Eve to make her move
The sky screams, ripping at the seams
Tearing itself apart
And Eve speaks the tongue of a dirty language,
Licking her lips and
Letting her pretty eyes roll
This is woman
Weak, strong
Brave, stupid
Adam grabs her wrist, letting his numb fingers dig into the flesh
She pulls away and pulls the leaves from the tree
Smiling wickedly, ripping apart sanctity
She stuffs handfuls into her naw,
With man eating intensity
And lets one last,
Silent, painful,
Breath escape her lips
And the apple,
Juicy, rotten,
Felt like heaven against her parched lips
And God loves her no more

Apr. 19th, 2013

In Medius Rae

And forth from the cursed trees of Heaven and Hell fall
Rotten apples
The most delicious you've ever tasted
And there Adam and Lilith and Eve
Wait for me
Loving foes, the three
They wait,
With patient snakes curled about branching weeping willow arms
And small ferns growing from their heads,
A halo
Horns
To fight them, one must simply  pluck the wormwood from its hiding place
Among the silver leaves and bunches of baby's breath
Bitter, rotten, shattered
And among the wormwood, I find my great adversary
Peace, he is called
And he is boring, and serene, and ever so standoffish
As if I do not belong in the presence of one so great
Bartering and trading is his area of expertise, but he knows nothing of his only enemy
The great father of all,
Strife
Who plucks the asphodel
That grows in abundance,
That mark the passing
That They all mourned
Adam, Eve
My sweetest Lilith
My hideous Peace
My lovely Strife
My hated foes,
My only friends,
My saints, with arms open,
Embracing the loving glow of Mother Moon
And the harsh stares of Father Sun,
So disappointed,
So blinding
Existence is all we share,
Each of you,
But it is still with a tombstone heart,
That I bid you farewell
Perhaps we will meet again.

Mar. 27th, 2013

To The Night and the Fishing Hooks

Its raining,

The night cold and clear

And here I lie,

Abandoned, frozen, forever alone

The silence hums in volumes

“No one loves you,

No one ever could.”

And if I am to believe this voice,

Then fighting just seems pointless

But downing, being caught on a lone fishing line,

Just seems silly to me

I've fought this far,

So why won't the Silence just let me be?

“Liar! Harlot! Whore!”

It cries,

Pushing Its' hands into my face

I struggle to stay upright

I struggle to not fall

But in the end,

I'll only slink to the ground

The loving mother to which I belong

I am the cold, clear night

I am the silence,

hurling obscenities,

Vulgar half-truths and all out lies

I am the fishing line,

Lonely and forgotten in the endless stream of

Aware

I couldn't fight myself,

My own foe,

My closest friend,

My only nemesis,

I am, once again,

The Silence within myself

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